Human Wrecking Balls

It was a slow night at Chez Malone last evening. We all found ourselves in the family room with nothing to do. So Mark starts channel surfing. He lands on a show on G4 called Human Wrecking Balls. The name intrigued us – I mean Human Wrecking Balls? How could you not be giddy with excitement at the possibilities.

What followed was perhaps the most ridiculous concept for a show ever. EVER. These two guys, the Pumphrey Brothers (and the name suits – you’re not going to find the name Pumphrey on any Noble Prize listing) go somewhere (last night it was a hotel suite) and destroy it. Just for grins. With their bare hands. And they have quasi-intellectual discussions about the various options for destruction (“Paul thinks I should use a side-kick, but I think a Crippling Axe Kick would be more effective here”, “A Crippling Axe Kick isn’t going to generate the force necessary to break that door.”)

I’m not making any of this up. How could I?

There are two secondary characters as well: a “structural engineer” who walks around telling us how hard this would be for us to do at home, and a hot nurse who, well, we all know why they have a hot nurse hanging around.

The destruction began with a challenge – both brothers had to destroy a vending machine and empty the entire contents without touching any of the items. The winner of this challenge got the honor of chucking a TV out the window later in the show. (Just FYI….the winning time was 43 seconds.) Once in the hotel suite, they took out the bedroom, the kitchen, the bathroom (they used a move called the “Powercheek” to remove the vanity – it’s exactly what it sounds like) and finally the sitting area. They brought in a celebrity guest for this part – some bass player for some band no one had ever heard of. Rock stars are all about hotel suite destruction, apparently. He had some good tips, but didn’t appear to be able to break anything himself. How awkward….

The final challenge involved taking out a wall. Not just any wall, the “structural engineer” tells us, but a wall made out of drywall and steel studs. He attempted to knock it down with a baseball bat and (surprise!) he just couldn’t do it. So the more effective of the Pumphrey Brothers was called in to do a “Shoulder Ram” – his signature move. (The less effective brother stood on the other side of the wall holding a mattress.) With a guttural scream and several well-timed commercial breaks, we finally got to see the effective Pumphrey go through the wall. We didn’t see any of the steel studs flying on the way through, but they were laying under his bruised body on the other side. (Hmmmm….)

And then, the moment we’d been waiting for all night: the TV went out the window. Followed by a sink, a fridge, a dismantled dishwasher and some other stuff that was no longer recognizable. And that friends, was the show.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall during the pitch-meeting for this one.

Mark was so intrigued that he looked the Pumphrey brothers up on Wikipedia. Turns out, they are big shots in the “competitive breaking” circuit. Who knew there even was such a thing? One of them got his start jumping off the top of a shed through something like 10 feet of solid ice. The other got his start breaking concrete with friends after school. I can’t remember which was which, but one had “crazy eyes” (you know – when you can see the whites of the eyes all the way around the pupil and you look scared all the time? He was the effective brother). The other wore the gayest looking shoes I have EVER seen – they were these white, square-toed loafer-like things - not anything I would wear to destroy a hotel room. And they didn’t do him any favors in the vending machine challenge.

The only positive thing I can say is that Team Malone hasn’t laughed that hard in a long, long time. And good news – the show is in its second season, so it looks like it’s a hit!

First Class Scout

On Monday night, Ben's Troop held their Court of Honor. Ben was officially awarded the rank of First Class. He has worked hard all along, but this one he REALLY worked for - he took ownership and got it done (and there is a lot to do) all on his own - mom and dad were just around for moral support.

If you know much about scout rankings, you know that completion of Tenderfoot, Second and First Class ranks are an accomplishment. Not that it will be easy from here on out (not by a long shot) but rank advancement from this point on consists of earning merit badges, service hours, and leadership. Star and Life and more like thresholds on the path to Eagle and don't have the requirements the previous three ranks have. We feel like Ben has crossed a major hurdle in his Scout career and we are very proud.

He also earned merit badges in swimming, music, and first aid. Way to go Ben!!

Creeping Along the Virginia Creeper

Regular readers of this blog (both of you) should be aware of my latest walking goal: section hiking all 34 miles of the Virginia Creeper Trail. Yesterday, we checked off another 3.5 mile section.

We parked at Alvarado and walked back to mile marker 5 (where we stopped last time, coming from Watauga). The Alvarado station is almost exactly halfway between mile markers 8 and 9.

We crossed the South Holston trestle over the "confluence" (love that word) of the middle and south forks of the Holston (very cool). We walked across some beautiful countryside, and through sections that had been blasted out of rocks. There was very little traffic on the trail yesterday, and despite being a little chilly in the shade, the weather was perfect.

I didn't take the camera, mostly because we walked the longest distance we have walked so far and I didn't want to slow us down, and because we carried a pack with water and snacks, and I didn't want to add any more weight than we had to. There is a bench and a really flat rock just past mile marker 5, so we stopped there for a snack.

On the return trip the boys decided to time themselves running for a full mile, so they ran from mile marker 7 to mile marker 8 (in eight minutes, in case you were wondering).

We left at 10:40 and were back at 1:10. We drove to Bristol and ate pizza at the Mad Greek. It was a really, really good day.

If you're keeping score at home, we've covered points 8 to 6 on the map below (since we've always done a "there and back" walk, we've actually covered it twice.) For our next trick, we may take two cars, park one at Alvarado and the other at Damascus, then walk straight through (about 8 miles).

What I'm Reading Now

Fast Food Nation, by Eric Schlosser.



The Food of a Younger Land, by Mark Kurlanksy.



Drood, by Dan Simmons.

I try to never read two books at a time. I have a hard time switching gears, and I usually get bogged down and can't finish either one. So why then, am I now reading THREE books at one time? I really can't say.

First up: Fast Food Nation. Mark has been wanting me to read this one for a while now. It's all about the fast food industry in America, how we influenced it, and how it influences us. Right now, we're learning all about the corporate side of McD's. Interesting stuff.

Next: The Food of a Younger Land. Mark surprised me with this one for my birthday. Apparently, FDR's WPA had a division called the Federal Writer's Project. Out-of-work writers were put to work for the government writing essays for a book called America Eats. They were to write about the food in their hometown (or home region) - what made it unique and different. All essays were due for compilation by Thanksgiving, 1941. Most of them were late, and slowly trickled in during and after the holiday. And then there was this attack on Pearl Harbor and all those out-of-work writers weren't out of work anymore. America Eats died before it ever got started. Until Kurlanksy found out about it, and compiled all of the essays he could find from the America Eats project and turned them into The Food of a Younger Land. I've spot-read a little, and am now starting at the beginning. I've learned about auto mats and drug store soda fountains, how maple syrup is made and what famous dishes got their start in New York City hotels, and I've even learned that President Taft attended a Pee Dee Fish Stew in Florence, SC in 1909. The writing is a little dated, but it's been interesting thus far.

Finally: Drood. The only fiction book in the pile. Or is it? (just kidding - it is.) The narrator is Wilkie Collins (he was a real guy, but it's still fiction), fellow writer and friend to one Charles Dickens. Collins is telling us the story told to him by Dickens about a man (?) named Drood whom Dickens met the night of a terrible accident. Meeting Drood takes Dickens on a dark journey and ultimately leads to the writing of The Mystery of Edwin Drood, Dickens's famous mystery (fiction, or is it?). Good so far, but I haven't had too much time to dive into it (what with the other two books and all).

Wish me luck getting through these. I also got two new food magazines in the mail, so the reading is starting to pile up!

Can You See Us?

We're near the back.

And Guess What We Did Today?

I didn't take the camera, so we'll just have to go with the promotional flyer. For the first time ever, the four of us participated in the annual 5K Turkey Trot in downtown JC. You can run it or walk it (we walked it). It started at 8:30, and it was chilly, but once we started moving, the weather was perfect - I didn't even break a sweat!! We all managed to stay together, and we all had great spirits. Ben and I finished in 53:40. Mark and DP sprinted to the finish and beat our time by 15 seconds or so. We saw lots of friends and teachers - lot of people even dressed up - we saw Pilgrims, Indians, Turkeys, and even an Elf! It was a really cool way to start the holiday. It made me thankful for good health, for family and friends. We even talked about running it next year (we'll see :).

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!!

Note: No turkeys were harmed in the completion of this race.

Guess What We Did Today?

And this year's ornaments.....

For Mark:

For me:

For Daniel:

For Ben:

And from our 2009 travels:

It's only a month away!!

What a Difference a Year Makes

I was perusing through some older blog posts, and I happened upon this pic, taken in early November, 2008:


It immediately reminded me of this pic, taken in early November 2009:


Granted, I'm all hunkered over in the first one, but it looks like Ben was probably just passing the top of my shoulder. I'm not hunkered over at all in the second one, and he's almost a full head over my shoulder. There's 40 pounds less of me in the second picture, which is also a nice change. And finally, I may just have to have that camera bag surgically removed from my right shoulder.

Saturday on the Creeper Trail

I've spent the last six months counting steps (1.2 million total). When the contest was over, I found myself sort of lost without a walking goal. I'm still walking everyday, but I'm looking for ways to make it interesting.

One thing I've decided to do is walk the entire Creeper Trail (34 miles total). Not all at once, mind you, but in sections. Mark and I walked from the trail head to the 2.5 mile point a few weeks back. Today, we took the boys and drove to Watauga. We walked west to the 2.5 mile point, and back (Daniel rode his bike for this leg). Then we walked east to the 5 mile marker and back again - about five miles in all.

It was sunny and 70 degrees. The leaves were off the trees, but it was still a spectacular day.

It was a good day. Before next October, I hope to knock out the next 29 miles. (I'm giving myself a year because some sections are going to be logistically difficult to pull off). Maybe I'll get it done sooner. Wish me luck!

Puttin' the Old Back in Old Navy

Mark and I went out at lunch today to shop for jeans. I’m happy to say we both have a closet full of jeans that are too big. But I digress….

Mark had mentioned in his team meeting today that he needed jeans. He was immediately referred to Old Navy. “But we usually order from Land’s End….” He was scorned for paying too much for his jeans. (Let me jump in here and say that I don’t know where this is coming from, as I usually only pay $29.50 for jeans from Land’s End and frequently buy them on sale for even less, but here I go digressing again…..) He was assured that not only does Old Navy have great jeans, but they are on sale right now as well. So we set off…

We arrived at the store and immediately went to our respective departments. I found the ladies jeans and was overwhelmed by the selection. Boot cut, low rise, high rise, tall, short, relaxed, skinny. I could choose from “Weekend” jeans, “Diva” jeans, “Sweetheart” jeans, “Dreamer” jeans, and “Flirt” jeans. When I got to the “Flirt” jeans, I knew I was in the wrong store.

I made my way back to the exit and found Mark waiting for me. I said: “I think I’m too old to shop in this store.” He said: “I know what you mean.” I didn’t even ask what names he had to choose from.

We went out for coffee and went back to work. Sometimes, you feel old and it’s not a good thing. But other times, you feel old, and you’re completely OK with it. Today was one of those “OK with it” kind of days.

More Time Travel

It happened again. Only this time, on purpose.

Mark and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary this past week. Our big gift to each other was a trip to Boston this summer. But since anniversaries that are divisible by five seem to be a bigger milestone, we also exchanged small gifts. Which can sometimes be the best kind.

One of the small gifts Mark got me was Hootie and the Blowfish's Cracked Rear View. Why? We aren't big Hootie fans. But in our world, Cracked Rear View was the soundtrack to the fall of 1994 - the year our little Malone family was born.

October 29, 1994. UT played USC that day. UT won. (We still live in Tennessee, so it looks like Tennessee is still winning.) Some idiot fired shots at the White House that day, which prompted them to close off Pennsylvania Avenue (in case you're ever on Jeopardy and need to know the date of that change.) Susan Smith had not yet been found out - that story was all the news on the drive down (and the drive back a week later, coincidentally, but for different reasons.)

Right after the wedding, we took a cruise. We had assigned dinner-mates - two other couples. One couple had been married for a while (the wife was a guard in maximum security prison - delightful) and the other couple was also newlyweds (we never figured out what the husband's name was - after the third "What was that? Say again?" it became awkward and we let it go - to this day, we refer to him as "Haaaayyyyyrrrrnnnngggg".) We didn't spend much time at dinner.

While we were honeymooning, a construction crew broke ground on our house. The one I'm sitting and typing in right now. We spent most of that fall and winter completely broke and smelling like wood and stain (two parts cherry, one part mahogany - the magical mixture). To this day, the smell of a can of minwax transports me right back to 1994.

Peyton Manning was a freshman that year. Mark and I went to one game - it was Parents Day and Archie Manning was down on the field with him. Now that he is THE Peyton Manning, I like to remember that at one time, he was just a kid playing football who wanted his dad to come be with him on Parent's Day. Makes him seem more like me. Except that I'm a girl, and I never played football. But you get my meaning.

We lived in a tiny two-room apartment. It was perfect for newlyweds. For about six months. Which was all the time we stayed there, so it was OK.

For Christmas that year, in lieu of gifts, we exchanged Christmas tree ornaments. Mark got me "Our First Christmas Together" and I got him the first in a series of commemorative baseball greats (The Bambino). We still exchange ornaments every year - the boys are now included - it's one of my favorite parts of the season. We now have so many specialty ornaments that we don't have room for the cheapo colored balls we bought that year to fill out the tree. No great loss.

I turned 24 a month after the wedding. Mark bought me an engraved jewelry box with my new initials. I still have it. It's now full of pictures, baby teeth, and cub scout badges. (I never was much of a jewelry person.) And I still love it.

And while all this was happening, Hootie and the Blowfish was playing in the background. Hold My Hand, Time, Hannah Jane - they all remind me what it was like to be young and newly married and completely clueless. But happy. Very, very happy.

And 15 years later, I'm still happy. Very, very happy.

City Champs!

Daniel's soccer team, The Neon Storm, won the city tournament today! They beat Fairmont, the only team to beat them this year, 4-2. It rained the whole time, so I didn't get the camera out. Daniel came close to scoring twice - the first one went too far right, and the second one just didn't get enough foot on it. But it was all good - we still won!! Go Neon Storm!!

What I'm Reading Now

South of Broad, by Pat Conroy.

I was so pumped about this book - I love Pat Conroy. It's been something like ten years since Beach Music came out. A new book is long overdue.

What can I say? He should have taken more time. I'm about halfway through, and I hate it. Really. Hate is probably too strong a word: hate implies that it has sparked some strong feeling in me. And this book has sparked nothing. NOTHING. It's just a lot of witty banter, and questionably witty banter at that. There is no plot to speak of, which is not nearly as surprising as the lack of well-developed characters.

I was so disappointed in The Hour I First Believed, I was really, really wanting a good book to read. Sadly, this isn't it. I may not even finish it. It's that bad.

Time Travel

OK, so despite my love of the time travel concept in books/movies/tv, I don't really think it's possible. Fun to talk about, fun to think about, fun to theorize about, yes. But possible? No. Not so much.

But isn't it interesting how certain things seem to transport us back in time? Smells can remind us of grandparent's houses or holidays. Finding old clothes in your closet can take you right back to where and when you bought it, or some special day that you wore it.

The biggest transporter for me is music. Nothing takes me back to another place and time faster than the soundtrack I associate it with. Just this week, the transporter was Elton John's The One.

I moved to Johnson City in the fall of 1992. I bought The One sometime that fall, and I associate the purchase with my brother (apart from the Charlie Peacock incident, he has always been a great recommender of sweet tunes.) I don't know if he bought it for me, or just recommended it , or maybe just had it playing in the truck during visits and I liked it. Whatever the reason, I associate this album with Paul. But I digress.

I was living in an apartment in south Johnson City, and working as a help desk agent. Mark and I were not dating at the time, but he was my supervisor and I had a major crush.

At some point that fall, the fam met up at some place in western North Carolina for a weekend getaway. The hotel we stayed at was reminiscent of the hotel from The Shining: very nice, but just a wee bit creepy. Paul and I went out one of the nights that weekend to see Dracula (Gary Oldman/Winona Ryder) at a local theater. I bought a cool black hat at a general store-type place (The Mast Store maybe? Is there such a place?)

Mom also came up for a visit that fall. She took me to Kroger and taught me all she could about grocery shopping and cooking for one. She also took me clothes shopping and bought me two wool blazers (one bright purple and one with purple/black/red checks). They were so cool. I wore them with jeans and black cowboy boots and (a few weeks later) the black hat.

And while all these things were happening, The One was playing in the background. Because as soon as I heard it again this week (I bought the remastered version from iTunes last weekend), all of those memories came back. Like they had just happened. Like I was back in 1992 again. The One, The Last Letter, Dark Street: all of the songs took me right back to 1992. I remembered exactly how it felt to to be single, to be young and clueless, and to be independent. I wouldn't want to go back, but it was nice to be able to visit for just a bit.

Maybe time travel is possible after all.

What's for Dinner?

Chicken Scallopine with Saffron Sauce.


I indulged my inner foodie a couple months back and bought some saffron. Saffron is actually the stamen of crocus flowers. It is picked by hand. It ain't cheap. But I bought a smidge from my friends at The Spice House and have used it here and there, mostly with fish.

But tonight, I went with chicken. I used a Giada recipe that I found on the food network web site. I didn't call mine Chicken Scallopine with Saffron Cream Sauce, because I subbed one percent milk to save some fat and calories. It was still tasty.

Saffron is a really unusual flavor. It is very light, almost not there. I think it adds more color than flavor. The color is awesome. And we talked about who might have hand-picked the saffron threads we were having, which livened dinner conversation considerably.

I served it over rice, and had baby spinach salad on the side. Mark proclaimed it excellent.